Surviving The Holiday Season Without A Loved One

My grandma, mom, aunts, and uncles on Christmas a few years ago

Like I've said in a previous post, this is the first Christmas without my grandmother. She passed away 8 and a half months ago in April. Its been hard ever since and even harder in the last fews weeks. To be honestly I would be completely ok with skipping the how holiday and just having the time off. I can feel the difference in the house and have noticed that everything is really delayed with Christmas. We took a while to put up our tree (not like us), and no one really wanted to prepare for it.

Every single Christmas Day my grandma would come to my house and we would open present and see her. It was the one day of the year, no matter what, that I got to see her. I couldn't tell you a year that she wasn't here. Except for this year. 

I am dreading it more than anything in the whole world. If I get through the day in one piece it will be a miracle. I know I will be subconsciously waiting for her to come the whole day. I can already feel it. One of my ways of coping is to not believe she is really gone and keep assuming she will be at family parties and I can just call her. 

The good news is I am not the only person to have to go through the holidays without a loved one. More than just my family is suffering this season. Since this is my first year without a loved one I am not an except on how to deal but I have learned a few things I want to share. 

Me and some of my cousins 

1. Spend a lot of time with family. 

They are most likely experiencing the same thing as you. Everyone is feeling the same upset as you. One of the amazing things is they will cry with you and than cheer you up when you're done crying. Don't try to be alone because it will only make things worse. Your family can distracted you and help you so much,. 

2. Cry and let it out. 

You have to cry and let it all out at least once during the season. Its ok to cry and its ok to be sad. Just don't stay sad too long. It will be bad for you! And if you have to cry more than once no one will judge you. 

3. Find ways to remember/honor them. 

Maybe make an ornament or a picture. One thing that I loved my family did at our annual Christmas sing-along was a tree that had the ornaments with names of people that have passed and won't be there this Christmas. I loved that idea. It would look cute one a little tree. 

4.  Write about your feelings. 

I am a true believer that writing, whether in a journal or not, helps so much dealing with your feelings. Just write and write and let it all out. I'll probably end up doing that sometime soon. Another writing idea is to maybe write a the person even though they won't be able to get it. 

5. Remember that they would want you to be happy. 

I know everyone says that but its the truth. My grandmother would want me to be happy and enjoy the Christmas season. I'll try my best to be happy for her. 

I hope everyone will is missing a loved one this season gets through in one piece. Know you are not alone.

xoxo,

Lauren 

With Pain Comes A Lesson

This Wednesday was the three week mark of my grandmother's funeral. Life has gotten back to normal as much as it can. I went back to school and my family went back to work. Being at school has really made me immune to my grandmother's death. Because I'm not home where everyone is experiencing the same pain I am I don't have it always on my mind. I have my moments where I miss her so much. Part of my thinks I am in shock that she's gone. It's almost as if I can't believe she is gone.

In this whole experience I have learned so much. So much that I will take with me for the rest of my life.

Family is there no matter what

You can lose someone at any moment. 

It's ok to cry. 

Holding everything in is not good for you. 

Some professor don't care that your grandmother died. 

In times of need your true friends shine through. 

It's easy to forget things when you are busy. 

I'll take a full house on an 80 degree day with no air conditioner over anything. 

Snapchat is a great way to stay in touch with the friends you haven't seen in a week. 

Simple text can make a person's day. 

Funerals bring people together in ways you couldn't even imagine. 

I'm so proud of my family and who we have become.

I wish I had a learned all of this lessons for a different reason. I wish my family could have come together for a different reason. Losing someone is never easy but with time it hurts less.

xoxo,
Lauren 

Saying Goodbye

The reason I have not been posting on here is because my grandma passed away on Friday after a long 3 months in the hospital because of a brain aneurysm. I've had a hard time dealing with it but to my surprise it hasn't been as bad as I thought. Maybe it was because I was preparing myself or maybe its because it hasn't hit me all the way yet. It could also be because I have been extremely busy since it all happened.

Saturday we went to my grandma's house and cleaned it out. To get there, clean it out, and come back it took us 5 hours. We then had to get something for me to wear because I had nothing. BY the time that was all done it wad after 9pm and we had to clean our whole house from top to bottom for 30+ people to come over the next day. The next day we ran around to get things done for when people came. Then everyone was at my house until about 8:30 and I had to go back to school for the day. Monday I went to classes and then my uncle picked me up and we went back to my house. For the second night in a row my family came over for us to do the picture boards.

Tonight was her viewing and tomorrow is her viewing and funeral. I'm not sure how I will take it tomorrow. Besides it being her funeral it will be an extremely long day. We have to be at the funeral home at 8 and we won't get home until some time after the lunch in that will not be until after 3 or 4.

Maybe in the next few days I will write up a post that is directed at my grandma, almost like a letter. I don't have the time or energy to do it now. I did paint a picture for her coffin and wrote a letter with it.  I'm in love with how it came out.

Hopefully I will get back to posting regularly when everything calms down.

xoxo,
Lauren